Sunday, May 14, 2006


when i think of my mother, i think of being young, she's pounding on a door and screaming, "you're a loser!" at the top of her lungs. i'm not sure if i've yet to prove her wrong.

i miss the salt in the summer
coming off her skin,
i miss the shape
i'd always be in
after getting drunk all night
from talk.

and she smelled like a home cook meal
which i didn't cook her often enough
maybe that's why she always feels like home

because now i'm feeling homeless.

i beg for her time
like quarters on the street
and when she can't spare change

i wonder what that could possible say about me.

i feel not only helpless
but so very weak and whatever peace
i find with lost

on the indentations
between my sheets.

Friday, May 12, 2006


they say that everything comes in threes.

and that's why
if you get knocked in the head
then fall flat on your face, someone
is bound to kick you in the ribs.

it just the price we pay
for waking up to a sunrise
on beach next to someone beautiful

because even happiness has its costs.

and we all walk around so confused and ashamed
that we forget even the simplest of things:

like the fact that the universe
has never been mysterious.

there is a ying and yang to everything
and we choose to learn what we want to.

there is a curtain we can pull aside at anytime
but think that we deserve the dark.

and maybe that's why
you can dine on imported veil
each night for dinner...

then die before ever being loved.

it's times like these
i'd give anything
for an emotional lobotomy.

a shot in the head
after the life you were gunning for
is over.

but then i remember the beauty of such pain.
how the finest of chefs in japan
leave the slightest bit of poison
still lingering in the flesh of the fugu

to tingle the taster's lips...
to remind us of our own mortality.

their have always been
plenty of things to say
that i haven't

as the blood from my tongue
slips through my teeth and

leaves a warm salty stench
in my mouth, i wish i had.

but speaking one's mind
is a negotiation of other
people's reactions,

the mind is a filter for the soul.

and i save so much pain of others
by holding back
then bottle it within myself. leaving

the effervescence wanting to be tapped.

maybe someday i'll have a trademark...
a brand of drink consisting of
fermented hardships and aged perfectly
with hate.

what a thrill!
what a thrill that would be to taste.

i must be on my third or
fourth lifetime by now as
the notwantedness of rejection

can add years without compassion.

after lifting the bitter wine
of heartache to my lips
again and again
with the willingness of a volunteer.

because i raised my hand
in the classroom of chance
thinking "pick me! pick me!"
i deserved to finally be called on.

and knowing a fire is too hot
does little
in eliminating the desire
to touch it. and that's just

the way it goes...

until one day our hands
are charred with experience
and blackened past the point
of saying "no."

and the finger we'd love to point
at someone else
is burnt and curled
towards ourselves,

we become fascinated
by our own disfigurement

we'd clap our hands
but for fear of ash.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


it's so calm tonight
that even my thoughts end up on the couch.

and i'm sure that there's a 'Friends' episode
that caters to this:

the Ross in my head
is on the skids
with the Rachel of my heart.

it's so cool tonight
that even my sarcasm
comes off as cliche

and hangs in the the air
for the thirty second intervals
of commercial spots...while
the sitcom world solves
all it's problems in twenty seven minutes.

and i'm left talking to the breeze.
with a grain of salt.

not to trivialize the conversation
but because salt is always carried away to somewhere else...
whever you are talking to the wind.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


...sometimes when i brush my teeth before bed and my mind is extra tired. i'll pee real quick, squeeze out some toothpaste, and then run the water over the brush. then, without thinking, i'll flush the toilet...causing the water coming from the sink to slow down for a few seconds. i can never help but think that this is pee water coming directly from the toilet, through the pipes, and onto my toothbrush. which isn't true, but just the thought of it, is pretty gross. and even though i know that it isn't really pee-water, i still end up going to the kitchen, rinsing out my mouth and brushing my teeth in that sink instead. it only happens a hand full of times each year...but i was wondering if other people do that, or if i'm just some kind of freak. any thoughts?