CANCER

i need to know
you're out there.

the way a mariner at sea
learns to love a lighthouse.

so i yearn for simpler times...
when a day refuses to pass
without meaning.

because as of late
i've realized
either Orion is doing cartwheels

or my life is passing me by.

why don't we look up enough?

a day changes into a year
like it's slipping into something
more comfortable, and

your taste
has lingered
seven years in my mouth.

blurring time together
of memories
when you were mine.

sorry for bringing you up again.

TODAY IS NOT MY BIRTHDAY

...but not for want...

love instead.

obligation is a word
once invented, brought regret
then nothing else.

when i wasn't what
you needed

the world was a notion
that ceased to exist.

i was left
to wander instead.
banished to the land
of what might have been.

what's wrong with my elbows
that everyone leaves
once brushed against?

MY FAVORITE LITTLE MONKEY

...i have these vivid memories from anthropology class where we were shown a movie of some crazy baby monkey testing. they had these three little monkeys separated in cages devoid of any interaction with any other living thing. one monkey had a steel armature covered in fur in it's cage that it would always rub against and cuddle to at night. they had one monkey with just a plain steel armature shaped somewhat like an older monkey. this little guy had scratch marks from where he tried to cuddle and just couldn’t get it right for some reason. and the last little guy, the saddest little monkey didn't have any shit at all. they all went crazy, but to varying degrees and over varying amounts of time. it doesn't take a scientist to figure it out without seeing the video. but i've always kind of wondered which one i could relate the most to. it certainly has a profound effect on one's understanding the need for affection. does anybody have a welder and/or a bag of hair that i can borrow?