GIVING UP PAINTING

by now i'm all done trying.

even the letters that make up the words
"i just can't take it anymore."

look shy on the page

caught someplace
like a child in a lie
head down, hands behind back,
scuffing the dirt with a shoe.

and everything was easier
when i thought you
might love me.

the workday flew by
with thoughts of a kiss, sushi still

lingered on those flavored lips,
the ones we made
jokes about biting.

but these days
time stand still
and i grow ancient
with every inhale
recollecting an exhale
of soy-sauce.

one foot out the door,
the other afraid of what came of it.

i'm told i take life
too seriously, though
i've often been scorn
for making light of things.

but these are the colors
i’m am made of
(the palette of my personality)

and you were the subject
i loved to paint...

for every tiny brushstroke
a thousand tiny heartbreaks.