Tuesday, June 05, 2007


ahhh, back to the world of the living for the time being. and let me tell you...it sucks! is it wrong that i've had better conversations with trees than i've had with most people? i'm really not even sure what that means...but it's true. i feel like i just can't relate. for all the time i spend in the woods i always dread coming back. and end up wondering "why did i leave?" i end up being this little circus monkey that people come to see and pay huge amounts of money to spend an evening with. "matt's working the bar tonight, he'll make sure i have fun." and i do...time and time again. blast terribly amazing tunes from the stereo. dancing and laughing and saying wonderfully insightful things like, "well, if you don't love that person...you probably shouldn't be with them anymore." "wow! they all say....you're smart!" "no...i'm afraid not...i'm sober and you're a moron." why do i do this? 'cause it's my job. pushing the last legal drug onto the masses while they soak it up and fornicate all over the place, making stains, stealing my mojo, and sucking out my last shred of dignity as well as my will to live. i think i'm going to have to find a way to camp all year 'round. teach kids and play in the woods for pennies a day. sure, i'll be poor. but i'll be happy. and when i can't afford the kemo to save my cancer ridden body from almost certain death...i'll die with a smile and talk about how i'll become part of the soil cycle, giving nutrients to the earth for new life to grow.

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