Wednesday, March 15, 2006


...i've started a five day fast that's going to bring me right up until the spring solstice. i've felt so disconnected as of late. not only from people ('cause that's always the case) but from the old guy in the sky with the big white beard. we used to stay up late and talk all the time. sometimes he'd call me at home and we'd have one of those conversations that feels as though the conversation is having you. i'd curl my index finger around the telephone wire, lay down on my stomach, and lock my ankles in the air. "hey god!...what'ch you knowin'?" i'd say with an earnest boy-like charm. this winter has been far too lazy and gluttonous for me to deal with. i've fallin' out of love with the world and the resulting bitterness has left my relationships with the one's i love suffering. i want to emanate pure kindness and joy from every alaivable orpheus of my being. i want to touch someone with a hand so full of love that they can hear what i'm thinking. easier said than done of course...a problem only intesified by my general dickheadedness. but it's something i need to do. such, this begins the process of cleansing. an urban vision quest if you will. no cigarettes, no booze, no caffine, no food, no vitamins, no moives, no sex (or masturbation i should say), no talking, no phone, no love. to plug myself back into the universe...i first have to suffer. that will be the cost of my reintegration with spiritualization...a price i'm willing to pay. if i continue blogging in my weakened state than i'm sure my sense of selflessness will increase while my articulation rapidly wains. for that...i'm sorry...sort of. wish me luck, send good juju (as michele would say)...and fill your hearts with love and happiness.
(yes...i've always been a giant hippie) -m-a-t-t- (the really hungry kid)

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