THE DATING GAME

"all my lies are always wishes" -jeff tweedy

i've always wondered if i'd ever get to a point in my life when i'd actually be 'dating'. but i guess i have...and it's horrible. since all i've ever been REALLY good at doing, is judging other people...i naturally hate being judged myself. so as you can imagine the whole process makes me sick to my stomach. i wish i could just have a badge or card that confirms i've passed the cool test before. "yeah, i'm in the union. the union of cool bitch." because i can't stand trying to prove it over and over again every single weekend. and i feel as though i shouldn't really have to. they should just know...but they don't and i think that that's what saddens me the most. it shatters my fragile little mind that every single girl across this great land hasn't gotten the memo that states "matt marro is cool as shit." maybe i just hoped that it was general knowledge...like something your mom tells you when you're growing up. "make sure to comb your hair, don't talk to strangers, be home by dinner, don't forget to brush your teeth, and oh yeah, matt marro is cool as shit." but honestly though, i have to admit...i really can't imagine what it must be like for the girl. having to deal with me...christ, i can't even deal with me most of the time. i'm either loud and obnoxious or quiet and reserved...i talk bullshit like i have a bachelors in it (i do actually), i'm old fashioned and inconsiderate all at the same time. what a fucking joy it must be trying to get to know me. i'm sure it's an amazing process for them sitting across from me at a table...trying to figure out when i'm being serious or not. for example, a couple of weeks ago i was on a date and i made a comment that "women shouldn't have the right to choose," and that i was "thinking about moving to north dakota." needless to say...it didn't go over too well. i spent a half hour trying to explain how that could possibly be anyone's sense of humor. good times.
another thing that fucking sucks, is having to tell your life story again and again. besides the fact that my life hasn't been all that interesting...it makes it worse having to repeat it. from the woman's perspective it comes across like the best thing to ever happen to me is when i go home and have my father cook for me. (secretly...that is my favorite thing in life...and the most exciting...but i don't want a girl i just met to think that). it's just so fucking obnoxious. sometimes i get so sick of talking about myself that i just make shit up. "what do i do? motor cross mostly...yeah, i race the 587's. what's that you say? oh sure it's dangerous...but that's what i love about it. there’s something really spiritual about almost dying every single night...i love the rush...plus the chicks i get...fuck like prostitutes. are you going to eat that?" dating is such a ridiculous and embarrassing process that more often then not i can't even muster the strength to call someone back. i used to be scared about it...you know, in a nervous way...but now it's just a matter of pride. i can't expose myself to that kind of thing anymore...it ends up being more depressing then staying in and hoping someone amazing will call. it's sad really...i mean it's not like you can just see someone riding around in their car and yell "i like your hair," meet them weeks later, and fall in love instantly. that kind of shit doesn't exist...